We’ve all heard of the nature vs. nurture debate. Am I product of my genetics, or my environment? I’ve put quite a lot of thought into this over the years. I’ve read books, watched films, given it some real thought, and I have come to a conclusion… it’s exactly 50/50. 

I believe that when we are born, we are born who we are. Our personalities, our likes, our dislikes, the way we’re wired, what makes us tick… that little baby is what it is. I believe we have a pre-determined genetic make-up, and that our life is on a trajectory. 

That being said, I don’t believe our lives are pre-fated and that we have no say in the matter. We are born into a world where certain things will happen to us, where we will meet certain people, go to certain places and be exposed to certain things that will leave a lasting impact. These are the environmental factors. The ‘nurture’, if you will.  

The combination of our personality (“nature” / genetics) and our personal history (“nurture” / environment) is what informs our patterns of relating, both to ourselves and others. By getting to know our personality and giving ourselves the opportunity to reflect on formative events, influences and people that have shaped the way we are today, we are able to build an awareness around ourselves. And an awareness around ourselves is the key to happiness, fulfilment, safety and security. 

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I have always been a spirited person. I was born in 1989, joining a mum, dad and older brother to complete this iteration of a family. I’ve been described as happy, honest, and loyal. My parents used to call me ‘Nutty Nora’ when I was at my cheekiest or most silly. Once after apologising to my brother, I famously announced ‘but I don’t mean it’, ensuring everyone knew exactly where I stood on the matter. I loved my pets, particularly my cat Coco, and used to spend hours ‘supporting’ my brother as he played video games. 

I have lots of happy memories from childhood and adult life, and I have also experienced difficult moments that have intensely challenged me. 

I had never given these difficult things much thought or attention. I skimmed past them, continually looking ahead and moving forward. It is only recently that I have begun to turn my attention to them and consider the impact they have had on me. 

I now know that by shining a light on each of these wounds, I am able to actively tend to them and in doing so, I am giving myself the best chance of healing. I am able to steer myself back on to my life’s trajectory, a life full of happiness, opportunity, creativity. Freedom. 

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I remain a spirited person. ‘Nutty Nora’ still exists when I make up a silly song and sing it to my partner, complete with elaborate dance routine. I still give my honest opinion, although I’ve developed a slightly better delivery than I did when “I didn’t mean it”. Coco is still with me, now in the form of my beloved little dog. 

I believe that our personality is assigned to us at birth. It is the essence of who we are, and it is important to protect it. I believe that our interactions and experiences are what shapes how we relate to other people, and how we feel about ourselves. Reflecting on these things is an act of self-love, as well as self-preservation. It is the key to living a happy, fulfilled, safe and secure life. It is an ongoing, active, life-long commitment that I’m grateful I now know I need to do. 

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As part of my counselling course, we were asked to write an essay reflecting on how our personality and personal history affects the way we relate to others. This sparked me to think about what makes me me, in turn leading to this piece. 

It was whilst writing this that I was inspired to write the analogy Self-awareness is… 

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