Are you an anxious multi-alarm setter? A frequent fly-by the seat of your pants-er? What your travel habits can tell you about your attachment style.

Anxious

The alarm goes, but you’re already up. You spring out of bed. Can’t risk sleeping through the alarm – even though you set many. Whoosh! You open the curtains with a flourish. It’s a nice morning! What you can see of it… the sun’s not quite up yet. Come on; up everybody! Can’t miss the flight. There were limited seats left at this price; it was good you managed to nab the last ones. Lucky you’re already wearing the bulk of your travel outfit. Joggers and a t-shirt. Means you can get out the door quickly. Just need to pull on your jumper and shoes. Come on; up everyone! You’ve pre-booked parking, pre-filled the car with petrol, and pre-packed the luggage. You don’t want to get stuck in traffic, so you’ve left plenty of time. Better to have time to kill at the airport than stuck in traffic. You arrive early and breeze through security. See, it’s worth getting here early. Less queues. There’s quite a lot of time before the flight. Yes, there is time to browse… but don’t get complacent. That’s when mistakes can happen. You find the eatery with the best view of the departures screen, and order food that can arrive quickest. Tap water’s fine. And can we have the bill please? You go to the gate on announcement, thumbing your passport in your pocket as you walk (briskly) – you just need to know it’s definitely there. You queue to board, wondering if this backpack really is the regulation measurements. You angle your broad shoulders so the flight attendant can’t quite see it as they check your boarding pass. You hope there’s space in the overhead cabins. That’s why you take the passenger bridge at a pace. You’re one of the first to board. It’s not too busy actually. Bags installed above your head, you assume your (window) seat. You take a breath and start to feel relaxed, momentarily, before your attention shifts to airport transfers, language barriers, and tropical diseases… 

Avoidant

The sound of your already-twice-snoozed alarm penetrates your cosy little nest with the abrasiveness of a course sandpaper and the confidence of a mediocre white man. An assault to the senses; you take a long, deep breath as your eyes remain firmly closed. You selected that particularly aggressive alarm tone during a bout of attempted self-improvement and perceived clarity. It was designed to shake you awake (preferably with a spring in your step), ready to seize the day and maximise your potential. It has the opposite effect. Jaded, jolted and pre-emptively jet-lagged, you’ll be servicing your need for caffeine as the only matter of importance. 

You meant to pack the night before but decided to get up this morning early to do it. You didn’t. There’s enough time to organise the essentials, and anyway, all you really need is your passport. What’s the worst that can happen, you miss the flight? It’s happened before, it’ll happen again. No-one died. In fact sometimes, the relief you’ve experienced after missing a flight makes you wonder why you bother in the first place. 

It’ll be nice to see everyone, but you’re glad you’re meeting them there. It’s too difficult trying to fit in to other people’s rhythms. You slip through the airport, agile as a cat. Eyes down, headphones on, you can just concentrate on doing what you need to do.

You arrive at the gate with time to spare, nimbly stow your luggage and take your seat. You pause your podcast to listen to the flight attendant’s safety talk, taking note of your nearest exit. (It’s behind you). You resume the episode, close your eyes, and feel grateful for booking an aisle seat in the front half of the plane. First off. 

Secure

Your normal alarm sounds at an appropriate time, sufficiently allowing for your regular routine – a cup of tea, morning pages, a short guided meditation – any unexpected travel hiccups, and the customary airport Breakfast Wagamama’s. 

At Departures, you browse bestsellers; gently flicking through the first few pages of a couple that catch your eye. You don’t allow yourself to loiter for too long; you know the nervous huffs and tuts will increase in volume and regularity if you’re not back soon. You purchase the paperback in your hand, as well as a little portable phone charger for the group. 

Strolling through the airport, you smile to yourself as you notice that half the party has disappeared in to the distance, marching towards the gate; the other half is seemingly yet to arrive, you’ve not yet seen or heard from them.

You stop off at what you know is the last Pret before the gate, and pick up a final round of hot beverages that you know will both satiate and soothe. You’ve been looking forward to this adventure and feel excited the day has finally come. 

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A tongue in cheek analogy that came to me recently as I was travelling, whilst learning about attachment theory.

I plan to write an explainer about attachment theory at some point, but in the meantime here are some very rough bullet points on approximate characterisations of each attachment style: 

Anxious attachment characteristics:

• Afraid of abandonment
• Dependant on partners
• Seeks reassurance

In this analogy… worried about the plane leaving without them, needing to check the passport is still there, etc.

Avoidant attachment characteristics:

• Values independence
• Prefers solitude
• Avoids deep connections

In this analogy… travelling on their own, knowing where the exits are, not relying on others.

Secure attachment characteristics:

• Comfortable with both intimacy and independence
• Understanding of the needs of others, and able to communicate their own
• Trusts others

In this analogy… understanding and responsive to the group’s needs, confident and comfortable in their own skin.

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I’ve tried to experiment with different voices per attachment style. I wanted to subtly put across a suggestion of gender, personality, and relationship between the characters. I didn’t want to favour one above the other, and wanted them all to be likeable, in their own way. I had a suggestion of an approximate storyline in my mind to anchor the characters and context.

… did any of that come across? Would love to hear your thoughts!