A professor of philosophy was talking to her class about life. She was well-respected and spoke with enthusiasm and charisma, underpinned with a deep and expansive knowledge of her subject. She sat perched on the side of her sturdy wooden desk, re-usable coffee cup in hand, before producing an enormous clear jar and placing it in the centre of the desk. 

The professor began to pour a number of fresh lemons in to the jar, stopping when no more could fit. She considered the jar and looked to the class, asking them “is this jar full?”. The students looked around at each other bemused, knowing their professor must be going somewhere with this but unclear of exactly where. “Of course the jar is full!” a class member stated with confidence. The professor shrugged and slowly nodded her head. 

She then brought out a soft bag filled with small pebbles. She carefully emptied the entire bag in to the jar, the little pebbles finding their way in and amongst the gaps between the lemons. “Is this jar full?” she asked the students. They agreed that it was. 

The professor reached in to the drawer of her trusty desk and brought out a Tupperware box of sand from the local beach. The students smiled as she poured the contents in to the jar, watching as the sand filled any remaining gaps between the pebbles and the lemons. She took a moment before asking again, “is this jar full?”. The students once again agreed that it was. 

She had made her point and made it well, although the students weren’t exactly clear on what it was. As they began talking amongst themselves, de-briefing and de-coding the exercise, the professor poured her entire cup of coffee in to the jar. It slowly spread between the lemons, pebbles and sand. It seeped to the bottom of the jar, and stretched out to touch the sides; it climbed to the very top, without spilling a drop. Quiet contemplation filled the room. 

The professor explained. 

This is a visual representation of life. If your life was only filled with lemons, it would be full. These are the big things, the pillars of your life. Family, children, health, passions and interests. If all else was lost, you’d have the only things you’d need. Pebbles are important, but not specifically vital. Your job, your house, your car. Sand is everything else; this is the small stuff. 

If you fill the jar with sand first, there will be no space for anything else. Consider how this applies to life. Spending too much time or energy on the things that matter less takes you away from the things that matter most, the things that make you ‘you’. 

Tend to and nurture your lemons first. Call your parents. Play with your children. Go and get that thing checked at the doctor. Finish the baby blanket you started. Learn that song on the guitar. Read the book you’ve been meaning to read. Go on a date. 

There will always be time to clean the bathroom, pay that bill, fill up the tank. Take care of the lemons first. These are the things that really matter. The rest is just sand.

And with all that being said, even when your jar is full, remember there’ll always be space for a coffee with a friend… 

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I learnt about the ‘Mayo Jar’ exercise during my counselling training. I am not entirely sure of the origins. This is my own adapted and updated version.

I found it useful thinking specifically about my own life, determining what my lemons are and should be. It gave me a bit of a perspective-check, and permission to prioritise the big things over daily grinding of sand. Have you thought about your ‘lemons’?

I’d love to hear what you think in the comments below. Please do let me know if you like this blog, and subscribe for regular updates.