How to consciously uncouple from your device

We are all completely obsessed with our phones. 

I feel very fortunate that I have never personally experienced addiction. I’ve never depended on alcohol, relied on drugs, or felt compelled to have sex, eat, exercise or gamble. I’m pretty sure I’m neurotypical so it’s probably easy for me to steer away from addiction, hence getting to my mid 30s clean and sober. 

Or that’s what I thought.

However. 

The definition of addiction is: 

an inability to stop doing or using something, especially something harmful

And whilst I like to think I’m in control of my phone use (it’s nearby, in view, and in touching distance at all times for practical reasons only… right?) when was the last time I didn’t have my phone nearby, in view, or within touching distance? 

Sometimes I’m literally holding my phone and I think: where’s my phone. 

Am I actually able to “stop doing or using” my phone?

And in terms of whether or not it’s harmful… I think we all know that it is. 

Me and my phone: a love story 

I got my first phone when I went to senior school. So, aged 11. We went to Virgin Megastores (RIP), and bought a chonky little dark grey number with an aerial. It came in a small box with my new phone number printed on the side, along with the bar code. I have the same number to this day. It had a ring to it, and I don’t love change. What can you do! I got home, plugged it in to charge, and the next day we were ON. 

Senior school saw me through a number of digital dalliances. This was peak phone upgrade season where every few months the tech progressed exponentially and we were gifted new offerings such as snake and polyphonic ringtones. This was the golden era of the 3310. The Blackberry. And the iconic Motorola flip phone (in pink). 

iPhones became a thing as I was leaving university. I remember getting my first job as a Runner in TV production and wondering how the hell anyone had done this without a digital map in their pocket. 

As the years went by and me and my device were going steady, I barely even realised that I no longer took a camera out with me on nights out or holidays anymore. I couldn’t tell you the last time I listened to a) an album b) in order. And I hardly know what cash is nowadays as I use my phone for all transactions and travel.

For nearly 2 decades, my phone has woken me up in the morning (Clock app!) and put me to bed at night (Spotify!). It’s housed my memories (Photos!), and my to do list (Reminders!). Hosted my relationships (Whatsapp!), and tracked my fitness (Health!). It has nudged me about birthdays (Calendar!), helped me get dressed in the morning (Weather!), and protected all my secrets and ideas (Notes! ((locked notes!!)) )

How could I live without it? 

Toxic tech-sculinity

My screen time on average is 5 hours a day. 

This is apparently average. 

It is apparently average that we spend 21% of the day on our phones. This won’t be taking in to account the other two+ screens that we flit between: laptops and televisions. 

Add sleeping for 8 hours and we’ve used up 13 of our 24 hours in a day. 

Assuming you work, and we’re at approx. 21. 

I don’t want to get too mathsy here… but that leaves 3 hours to eat, exercise, socialise, travel, take the dog for a walk, pop to the post office, go to the doctor, finish learning that song or crochet-ing that blanket, meditate, journal, date, call your grandma, wash your hair, cook, clean, do the washing, hang the washing, do the food shop, read a book, water the plants, and so on. 

Why it matters

What are we all actually doing on our phones? Scrolling social media? Reading the news? Watching porn?

I felt quite disgusted upon learning I’m regularly spending 5h/day on my phone. 5 hours is a long time! I tried to think about what else I do for 5h/day and it’s literally only sleeping. Imagine the shape I’d be in if I exercised for 5h/day. Or ate for 5h/day. 

Quick reasons why it’s bad:

1. You’re looking down, not up
   Imagine the missed opportunities. By being engrossed in our phones, we aren’t tuning in to what’s around us IRL. Be that birdsong, oncoming traffic, or even chance encounters with likeminded strangers. 
   
2. It dictates your mood
   Countless studies have proven the direct link between phone use / social media and anxiety or depression, as well as social isolation (the irony that social media = social isolation is not lost on me). 
   
3. It wreaks havoc on your body
   That small little device affects your sleep, your posture, messes with your eyesight, your digits, your neck. It stops you physically getting up and moving your body. 

It’s not good. 

Don’t get me wrong, it can be an incredibly useful tool and I’m not imagining going completely phone sober. But I want to try and find a way to use my technology more intentionally. 

Ten ways to go phone free 

1. Stop taking it to the toilet with you
   Sorry but don’t pretend you don’t / haven’t. Go back to reading the back of the shampoo bottle, or simply just doing your business…
   
2. Charge it in a different room overnight
   This is a great way to create distance with minimal effort. You obviously don’t need your device while you’re sleeping. Invest in an alarm clock or set your smart speaker to wake you up in the morning and suddenly there is no reason to be within touching distance of your phone in bed. Bed is for two things. Scrolling is not one of them.  
   
3. Leave it behind for (short) walks
   I do understand the anxiety of what if there’s an emergency but – touch wood – this rarely happens. Start small and be mindful on local walks. 
   
4. Airplane mode when watching TV
   As someone who has spent over a decade producing television, it is really sad to acknowledge the fact that most people barely watch TV without simultaneously scrolling. Shows are simplified due to the phenomenon of “second screen viewing” i.e. plots are dumbed down so we get still get it when we’ve only been half watching… *sigh*. Try watching TV without your phone in your hand. Or for bonus points, try not watching TV at all – read a book! 
   
5. Lock it in the car when you go to the gym
   You don’t need to take a gym selfie… and you don’t need your phone while you’re working out. Another easy win, surely. 
   Note: my gym has a digital access pass, so I asked at reception to have a physical version and explained the reason. They were impressed with the thinking and said they’d look in to it… I’m keen to make this happen! 
   
6. Leave it in your bag when you have company 
   What message do you think you’re giving your friends / family when your phone sits on the table when you’re with them? It doesn’t matter if it’s screen side down… what you’re saying is: I’m here for the moment… but if that device pings, it is more important and I will be dropping you and this conversation the second the screen lights up. 
   Put it away, be present, connect. 
   
7. Assign a designated phone spot
   I saw someone who had created a literal phone box to house their phone when it was not in use. This meant that they had to get up to use it only when it was needed. This encourages intentional usage, and frees time back from mindless scrolling or distraction. 
   
8. Shower without it
   Sounds stupid? Of course I’m not talking about taking it into the actual shower with you… but does it accompany you to the bathroom? It doesn’t need to! Leave it outside. 
   
9. Ditch it when you’re working
   Focus on the task in hand and hide your phone away for chunks of time. Have you heard of the Pomodoro technique?  It essentially encourages you to set a timer and stay focussed for the duration of that session e.g. 20 minutes at a time. Then break. 
   
10. Reward yourself for reducing screen time
    Incentivise yourself. No point leading with the stick, choose the carrot instead. Set a realistic target – e.g. 15 minutes less screen time the following week – and assign a reward that’s legitimately motivating. A new book, beauty product, equipment for your hobby (notice how these are all things that also encourage moving away from tech)… 

Phones are endlessly resourceful. They can help us with almost every task, keep us connected with one another, and get us out of most sticky situations. 

But I’m genuinely concerned at my usage, when picking up and checking my phone has literally become some sort of tick. I’ve been sleeping with my phone downstairs and I find myself excited for it to be the morning, where I can race downstairs with my arms outstretched like to toddler to be reunited with my beloved phone. 

Untethering myself from my device is certainly a process, and one which I am going to take more seriously. 

I want to be more genuinely connected with those I love – by seeing them in real life, or calling them for an actual conversation. And I want to be less reliant on something that can suck so much time and happiness from me without even noticing. 

I want those 5 hours back. And I’m looking forward to seeing what I can do with them. 

What would you do with 5 extra hours?